Fall 2013 Couture: Jean Paul Gaultier

No JP has ever let me down. Remember, silly me of course you do, in Hollyoaks when John Paul and Craig hooked up and JP raced to the train station to stop Craig leaving? The best telly that will ever be on in my David Attenborough perving, Location Location Location Sky+ing, paying for Geordie Shore on my iPhone when abroad, expert opinion. Also my BFF was seeing a boy we nicknamed JP and he did not let me down by skidaddling his boring ass to Hong Kong. Plus every Jean Paul you ever meet has a sexy French accent. Reckon I've proved my point, JP's are great, it's a fact. If one of my bezzies or I yell 'FACT' after we've agreed someone looks like a potato or a goat or has the face of a koala when sad, a dolphin when curious, a giraffe when happy and Dobby the rest of the time (soz boyf) then it becomes established as fact. JP's are life's winners. FACT.

And here we have Jean Paul Gaultier, probs my fave JP (AFTER JOHN PAUL), yet again killing it with his Fall 2013 Couture show. How Jean Paul, HOW are you still creating innovative looks from your signature 1980s bustier, recognisable to the masses in the form of the iconic bottle of the Jean Paul Gaultier Classique perfume. The finale dress in the couture show emphasises this form to almost cartoonish proportions; ridges follow the dramatic curves of the dress in a piece that for me, with my immature pop-fashion references, is the adult version of Jeremy Scott's 2006 ice cream cone boob dress. Aged seventeen I needed this dress more than I needed to lose my viriginity. As with all of JP's clothes, this finale dress is for grown ups. His couture is for a woman who is confident in her sexuality, who is outlandishly sexy even when wearing a long-sleeved dress down to her knees and a veil. There's no messing with a JPGirl. Anna Dello Russo is one of few women who can pull it, and anything, off. I imagine I will forever feel and be too childish.

The OTT form of the finale dress is mirrored throughout the collection, there's an LBD or boxy red jacket for the more conservative among us. So not me, so obvz I'm after the rich ochre dress that swirls around the model's bod like caramel over ice cream. Saucy. As anyone who has continuously read this blog will know (Hello? Anyone? HELLO?) I am a sucker for a biker jacket, so send a leopard one prowling down the catwalk and I'm like the cat who got the cream. There's sumptuous fur, brocade and velvet throughout; whoever gets her hands on these pieces is gonna have to be rich  not only in sensuality but in dollar. Being rich in neither I have fastened myself an ice cream cone bra and when it rains I too shall be rich. In molestation.

MdV x

ALL PHOTOS: STYLE.COM