Resort 2014: Chanel

At Chanel it's not double C it's triple C; Chanel, Cara (lustful sigh) and... no not Karl you oafs... CRICKET. Obvz. The only way I do sportswear is by never letting it see a drop of sweat and brashy emblazzoned with logos; none show a more obnoxious level of wealth and are more unnecessary than a Chanel cricket bat. Add this to the skis, surfboard and basketball I have year after year in turn decided I needed yet clearly would never use. It's art dahling.

So what do you need to know about this collection (yes 'collection' not 'pre-collection'; Karl's gone to town, there's EIGHTY looks)? Well Cara's got her sexy tum out for one. Other highlights; amazing almost-aztec patterned trousers (I say 'almost' beacuse I don't believe Karl would ever lower himself to subscribe to a trend so fleeting and so ASOS as aztec), a few mini dresses in wool knits so loose they looked like chain-mail - I love it when Chanel gets Chlutty - and a gown akin to a jug of poured cream at the end which I'm sure will walk many a red carpet, come on Carey snap it up - the Daisy Bucannan in you is gasping for dairy.

Lowpoint? A black and white dress that reminded me of that Sex and The City episode where Aiden attempts to make Carrie clear out her closet (who are you kidding boy, you'll be gone before the clothes are even past-season; one new pair of Manolo's and I won't even miss ya) and she saves that heinous Cavalli top and then struts - 'Strut? Do I STRUT?' We all strut Carrie - down her street smugly sashaying it side to side at the end of the ep. Soz Patricia Field and soz Karl but these look like costumes from The Mighty Boosh set; even Mr Susan would not be choosin' that.

MdV x

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